Russellings of the Spirit

I have a question: Which of your many “selves” is your truest self?

 To clarify, I am not suggesting that you necessarily suffer from Multiple Personality Disorder. But if you do, God bless you. 

I’m just saying that most of us have different “faces” we choose to wear in different settings. 

Back in the WD (Working Days, that is), there was definitely a “home Russell” and a “work Russell.” Yes, certainly, those two shared a lot of traits in common, but they were seismically and humungously different. For starters, Home Russell was a lot more laid back, jovial, and fun to be around than Work Russell. 

But if you were to plop Home Russell down in the workplace, he would not have accomplished much at all. He’d be napping, checking sports scores (or events), or snacking. That is, when he wasn’t tidying something up or wasting time on social media.  

Similarly, Work Russell wouldn’t have been much fun around the home on evenings and weekends. 

I also noticed that different days of the week also seemed to give birth to different selves. Monday me was a very different character from Friday me. The former was not someone you’d want to spend a lot of time with, whereas the Friday version was a pretty happy-go-lucky dude. 

[That is, unless there was a project with a Friday deadline that wasn’t quite finished yet. In which case, it was “Katie bar the door,” if anyone actually says that anymore.]

After sorting through all these personas one day, I concluded that my Saturday Self was the truest, most honest, most authentic expression of the human being God created me to be. Saturday me didn’t have any performance anxiety. Saturday me wasn’t under any particular gun. He was free to organize his day and come and go as he pleased. 

I mean, sure, there were lawns to be mowed, weeds to be pulled, soccer games to be watched, and Home Depot trips to be made. But all of that happened in a relaxed, fluid, stressless way that made Saturday Russella joy to be around…

… unless, of course, there was a plumbing project to be done.

But now, here in Retiredsville, I have discovered that EVERY day is Saturday. Kicking back and relaxing isn’t nearly as much fun when it is something I can do every single moment of every single day. Didn’t finish painting the trim in the guest bathroom today? No problem! You can always do it tomorrow!

Theoretically then, since every day is now Saturday, I should be my best and truest self all day EVERY day here in the land of retirement. Right?

As Joan can verify from first-hand experience, sadly, that is not the case. There are still ups and downs through the week. There are still some Russells that are much more enjoyable to be around than other Russells. There are some that are really sharp, “on the ball,” raring to go, and others that struggle to tie their shoes correctly.

Sometimes, however, in the midst of my attempts to sort through the mysteries of the human psyche and its infinite manifestations, I am abruptly stopped. 

Something somehow reminds me of what a blessing it is to remember that there is only ONE me. That something also reminds me that this ME was created in its infinite complexity, and weirdness by a loving, compassionate God. And further, that the One who created all those strange nooks and crannies of personality sees beneath every mask and persona to my very CORE. 

Here is how the Psalmist says it: “My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.” (Psalm 139:15-16, NRSV).

And then, here is the totally amazing part; even seeing EXACTLY what is there, that One still declares it beautiful and beloved. 

And the Good News is the same One who sees ME in that light also sees YOU just as clearly and describes YOU exactly the same way.

Is that bizarre, or what?

Abundant blessings;