No matter how amicable they are, no matter how much each party agrees to all the terms, no matter how tidy all the negotiations are, divorces still suck.

Suck, like, a LOT.

I should know. I’ve been through one. 

And even though my ex-wife and I have a warm and friendly relationship, and even though I am remarried to an incredibly wonderful, staggeringly beautiful, and profoundly loving woman, I still get all jittery and queasy when I think back on the process of legally severing that first marriage relationship. I think it’s because when I said those words of the marriage vows in 1973, (“… in sickness and in health, for better or for worse, ‘til death do us part…”) I really meant them!

I am currently preoccupied with the subject of divorce because I am watching as a really ugly one unfolds before my very eyes. This particular divorce is repeating itself over and over and over again in the United Methodist Church… the church I think of as my spiritual mother.

In a March 1 article in the UM News newsletter, the author estimated then that over 2,000 congregations across the U.S. have been granted a divorce from the denomination. I am sure by now that number is much higher. 

The meat cleaver that came down on the church I love, of course, is the question of whether LGBTQ+ persons are worthy of being considered as full human beings, loved by their Creator just as they are. Some (former) United Methodist churches gave a loud, forceful, “ABSOLUTELY NOT!” response and were granted their divorce from the main denomination. Some of these became independent, non-affiliated churches while others became part of an offshoot called the Global Methodist Church. 

Meanwhile, the other churches responded to the question with a resounding, “YES! OF COURSE, THEY ARE!” and remained United Methodist churches. (I’m sure the discerning reader can tell which side of the question I stand on by the way I have framed the argument.)

In one sense, it is high time this divorce finally took place. The United Methodist Church has been arguing internally over this question for AT LEAST the last 40 years. It has consumed far too much of our time, oxygen, goodwill, and energy. Just rip the band-aid off already and get on with it!

And yet, watching this split take place feels like watching your mom and dad decide to part company and go their separate ways. Knowing that mom is right, and that dad has been a total jerk doesn’t take away the sting.

As this divorce moves forward, it is not surprising to hear people outside the church cluck their tongues and say things like, “See! This kind of thing is the reason I don’t go to church anymore. They are all too busy bickering internally and not serving the world like they are supposed to.”

And yet surprisingly I am seeing a lot of positive, forward-looking statements coming from both sides of this schism. A megachurch pastor I know in the Kansas City area created a visual chart that showed that 84 percent of the churches in his Annual Conference (the area that comprises the states of Nebraska and Kansas) are staying with Mother UMC. Others are claiming that this divorce process will create a new energy and unity of purpose among churches on both sides of the divide.

I’m sure this is all true. But it doesn’t change the raw reality of divorce. If you are at all interested in reading more about the Great Schism in the United Methodist Church, you can read this helpful article.

What would Jesus say about this sad chapter? I mean, you know, after he got done reminding us all that he did not live, preach, die, and rise again so that gigantic buildings could be built and eye-popping stacks of money could be raised in his honor?

I think he would shed more than a tear or two to see how wildly his very simple message could be misunderstood and even weaponized against people whose only quest is to be SEEN, VALUED, and LOVED in the truth of who they really are. 

Me too, Jesus. Me too.

Abundant blessings;