Posts Tagged ‘abuse

06
Jan
20

Too Long Coming

Asbury flagsIt is good to see the United Methodist Church finally “grow a pair,” as they say, and take an unequivocal stand on the side of justice and inclusion.

It is just sad that it took them so long to do so.

According to news from the denominational communications folks, a document called the Protocol Of Reconciliation & Grace Through Separation was agreed to and signed recently by a significant group of United Methodist bigwigs and poo-bahs.

The gist of this Protocolis that the United Methodist Church will formalize plans for a divorce when its global General Conference meets in May this year. This divorce will involve the people who oppose same-sex marriage and the ordination of LGBTQ+ leaving the United Methodist Church and forming their own denomination.

The name of that breakaway denomination has not yet been decided, although rumor has it that The Church of Narrow Mindedness and Exclusion has been officially rejected as an option.

As a person with firsthand experience of divorce, I can tell you that divorces are never good. For anyone. Even the smoothest and most amiable splits cause pain, stress, regret, and bitterness that lasts a long, long time.

Sometimes though, divorce is the only way for both parties to move forward and fully become who they are called to be. I believe this is the exact crossroads the United Methodist Church faces today.

On the one hand, I have to credit the leaders who finally arrived at the conclusion that it was time for the parties to go their separate ways. Some of the details of the split seem designed to minimize the hardship for either group that will result from this de-merger.

 

On the other hand, the length of time it took to finally arrive at this decision is inexcusable. Failing to bite the bullet and split the United Methodist Church YEARS AGO caused untold levels of suffering for untold thousands of good, faithful people. Although this metaphor is probably overstated by several degrees, I liken it to dragging out the decision to divorce in a marriage involving child and spousal abuse.

The longer it takes to decide to split, the more injury keeps being inflicted on the aggrieved parties. Sometimes trying to “stay together for the sake of the children” does more harm than good.

So today, I am really not sure how I feel about this news.

I am now officially retired from United Methodist ministry, so I am not faced with leading a congregation through the morass of discernment in the coming months. I am praying for my pastor pals who are still in the trenches and striving to hear all voices, including God’s, in this challenging time.

As a cradle United Methodist though, I am mostly embarrassed by the church’s foot-dragging and failure to lead. I am not sure it is any longer possible for UMs to march under the banner of “Social Justice Advocates” in any credible way.

So… I guess congratulations to the United Methodist Church for finally taking a stand and doing the right, no matter how painful, thing.

But shame on you for taking 20 years too long to do it.

17
Sep
18

How Much is Enough?

PerpetratorsHow much is enough?

In many ways the answer to that question depends on what we’re talking about, doesn’t it?

Asking how much money is enough, for example, might lead us to a very different answer than asking how much health or freedom or cuteness is enough.

Today I am asking specifically about penance… as in “How much penance is enough?”

My question is prompted by an August 28 story in the New York Times about the re-emergence of the comedian Louis C.K. less than nine months after he admitted to a wide variety of sexual misconduct allegations.

As you might expect, there were a LOT of people quoted in that article that did not think nine months was long enough for him to be out of circulation. In fact, a fellow comedian named Sarah Lazarus put the whole thing into a great perspective when she said, “I’m still on the same shampoo bottle as when louis ck’s time out started.”

I don’t really have a good answer to the “how much is enough” question, but I will not hesitate to declare my opinion that nine months seems WAY too short a time of banishment for the kind of stuff Mr. C.K. is reported to have done.

So are we going to start seeing Matt Lauer or Kevin Spacey or Charlie Rose pop up again on our TV screens after their respective timeouts have expired?

Harvey Weinstein? It’s probably safe to say he is gone for good.

And so, not only am I completely without answers to the “how much penance is enough?” question, I am not even sure I know which yardstick we should use to measure it with!

For example, should we measure by the “equivalency of pain inflicted” yardstick? In other words, should each of these perpetrators stay locked in their dungeons until they have experienced the same amount of pain that they caused their victims?

Some believe that is the right approach. If so, nine months of exile doesn’t even BEGIN to scratch the surface of inflicted pain, based on statements from several of C.K.’s victims.

Should we perhaps use the “level of remorse” yardstick? So when the “Remorse-O-Meter” we’ve hooked up to these guys reaches a certain level, we cut them loose?

Then there is the rehabilitation yardstick to consider. I have heard stories about mandated sensitivity training for Weinstein, but what about any of those other wrongdoers? And does it make sense to send them back out there once they receive their certificate of completion?

Or should we just never, ever have to see any of them in public ever again?

Admittedly, this is not a close parallel, but I have known people in the ministry who have committed some fairly serious transgressions. In each case there was an assessment of the “damage done,” and a path to recovery prescribed for them.

Because of the severity of their transgressions, a few of those pastors never did return to ministry. But for others, there was never less than a two-year absence.

Yes, the perspective of faith advocates for the forgiveness for sinners. In my own life I can vividly recall times when I have hurt others, messed up, and made horrible mistakes, and then experienced the grace of a loving God who took pity on me and said, “Neither do I condemn you. Go and sin no more.” (John 8:11, NRSV).

But I also know that forgiveness is not for you or me to extend… unless we were the ones victimized. If you were not damaged by Louis C.K., Matt Lauer, Charlie Rose, Kevin Spacey, or Harvey Weinstein (or others), YOU do not get to forgive them.

That’s God’s job.

In the same way, the “how much penance is enough” question is not for me or you to decide. It is strictly in the hands of the only ONE who can read the heart and mind of the transgressor.

So maybe instead of worrying about the penance or the rehabilitation of those who inflicted the damage, let’s worry instead about the healing of those who were hurt.

And leave the rest to God.




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