Posts Tagged ‘disciples

20
May
23

Fuel vs. Friction

I begin today with a thank you to whoever invented podcasts.

So, “Thanks, podcast inventor.” (Actually, Google tells me podcasts were invented in 2004 by Adam Curry and Dave Winer. Thanks Adam and Dave.). 

I like podcasts because they are the things that keep my mind off what is happening to my body while I toil and sweat at the gym.

Sometimes I pick a podcast for its fun and entertainment value. Mostly though I try to find one that is enlightening or edifying. And sometimes these of the latter variety stick with me and keep my wheels turning long after I’ve gone home, showered, and changed clothes.

Last year (June 9, 2022 to be exact), I told you about one of my favorite podcasts, called Hidden Brain. (Found here). Why it is called that I really don’t know. What I do know is that it is almost always a source of surprising insight and revelation. 

Yesterday’s installment featured an interview with Prof. Loran Nordgren who is an author and organizational psychologist at the Kellogg School of Management at Northwestern University. You may find him here

I was most captivated when Prof. Nordgren began talking about the way organizations seek to influence people’s behavior. He said that when a company wants you to take an action (such as buying a product), they develop their U.S.P. (also called the “Unique Selling Proposition”), and then FUEL it with slick packaging, clever advertising, strategic distribution, and attractive pricing. If you and I don’t bite at first, the company usually responds by adding additional FUEL to the marketing machine. 

It’s like pressing the accelerator in your car to make it go faster.

Far less often, he went on to say, do those organizations ever consider the question of FRICTION. Nordgren defined friction as any force that provides resistance to the person taking the desired action. He gave the example of a furniture store in suburban Chicago that invited customers to design their own custom couches. People stayed involved in the design process right up to the point of actually making the purchase. When it came time to buy, most people stepped away and declined.

When the store turned its attention from FUEL to FRICTION, they discovered that a lot of people backed out of the sale because of FRICTION. In this case, they did not have a plan for what to do with their old couch once they bought the new one. When the store changed its marketing message to say, “AND we will pick up your old couch for FREE!” they found that sales SOARED.

“Very interesting,” I hear you say. “But what does all this have to do with the Christian life?”

Glad you asked. As a Christ follower, I am aware of three distinct commandments I received from Jesus: 1.) Love God (with all my heart, soul, mind, and strength), 2.) Love my neighbor as myself, and 3.) Make disciples. 

All three bring their own special challenges. But I have to admit I am most regularly challenged by that third one; making disciples. I continuously ask myself: how do I do that? Regularly, consistently, effectively, and compassionately?

And no, making disciples has nothing to do with the process of SELLING in any way, shape, or form. But the podcast made me ask myself: do I think more about adding FUEL to my discipleship message? Or am I willing to do the hard work of examining the points of FRICTION that keep that message from connecting to its audience?

Because adding FUEL is easy. You just step on the gas! 

Examining the sources and causes of FRICTION is a whole lot harder. It means asking hard questions. It means LISTENING. It means taking stock of one’s comfortable, habitual behaviors and daring to make changes. It means putting oneself into the shoes of the people you are trying to communicate with and thinking about what matters most to THEM.

And so, in this era of rapid decline in church membership and religious affiliation, we might be tempted to modify Christ’s message so we can reduce friction and “smooth the way” on the path to discipleship. Pastors and members alike feel the pressure to fill those empty buildings and attain new relevance. 

And I must admit, the idea holds some appeal on the surface. These days there seems to be a whole lot of friction when it comes to making disciples for Jesus Christ.

But Jesus himself didn’t seem to care much about the whole concept of friction when it comes to discipleship. He sounds unequivocal about the difficulties of the path when, in three of the four Gospels, he offers some version of this guidance: “If any wish to come after me, let them deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me.” (Matthew 16:24, Mark 8:34, and Luke 9:23. Luke then doubles down and repeats essentially the same command in chapter 14, verse 27.) 

In another part of Matthew’s gospel, we hear him say, “For the gate is narrow and the road is hard that leads to life, and there are few who find it.” (Matthew 7:14, NRSVU). 

So… what do you think? Add fuel? Decrease friction? Or stay on the sidelines and leave this to the professionals? 

I would love to hear your thoughts.

Abundant blessings;

10
Jun
20

Doing Love

Joan and me 1Please pause for a moment and pity poor Joan.

Joan – for those of you who don’t know – is my spouse. And since we just celebrated our 20th anniversary on Cinco de Mayo, she has occupied that status for 20 years, poor soul.

At the start of our courtship, it was all cumquats and marmalade… or some other, better phrase carrying the equivalent meaning of “24/7 magic.” I was utterly charming, fun, and thoughtful. I thought of her needs first, sang sweetly in her ear, found new ways to make her laugh, and regularly surprised her with creative, elaborate gifts.

She really sparkled, too, with inner and outer beauty, energy, graciousness, and a boundless sense of adventure.

And so on one enchanted day – as a chorus of bluebirds chirped above us – we decided to make the arrangement permanent.

But then, somewhere along the way, something happened. We moved in together. We started sharing our lives… ALL of our lives… not just the sparkly, shiny, wild, crazy, outrageous, “starry-eyed lovers” parts.

We started seeing fun little details about each other that we somehow missed before; like the way someoneinsists that the table be set like THIS instead of like THAT. Or the way little piles of dirty clothes seem to appear hither and yon. Or the way a pitcher of iced tea gets put back in the refrigerator with less than a teaspoon of liquid left in it.

(OK… that’s all me, just in case you were wondering).

Somewhere along the way, the cumquats and marmalade and “24/7 magic” began to sparkle a little less as the ordinary threatened to usurp the extraordinary.

And it was at that precise moment, I would submit, that Joan and I discovered the real meaning of the word LOVE.

Long, long ago, you see, I subscribed to the pop culture notion that love is all about a particular FEELING. I bought the line that says love is that butterflies-in-the-pit-of-your-stomach excitement that comes when your hormones get a turbo boost in the presence of your beloved.

I can thank Jesus – and marriage – for setting me straight on that.

Jesus helped me by the words he spoke in John 15:12 – “This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you.” In reflecting on this passage, pastor and author Cary Nieuwhof once said, “You can’t COMMAND a feeling.” Feelings come and feelings go, triggered by all manner of stimuli.

So clearly the kind of LOVE Jesus is talking about – the kind that CAN be commanded – is something much more actionable.

This kind of love is a way of living. It is a way of relating to other people. Ultimately this kind of love seems to be – before it is anything else – a way of SEEING. Jesus’ love is a way of seeing the world and its inhabitants that will then give shape and texture to our words, our actions, and even our attitudes.

The same thing happens in marriage. Joan and I always love one another. But we don’t have warm and gushy feelings toward each other 24/7/365. Sometimes we get on each other’s last nerve. Sometimes we get really annoyed with each other. Sometimes we each do stuff that just really pisses the other one off.

And yet, as feelings come and go, driven by the events of the day, love abides.

The world we live in today needs a LOT. It needs healing. It needs humility. It needs repentance. It needs justice. It needs forgiveness. It needs boldness, and creativity, and ENERGY.

But more than anything else, the world today needs a healthy dose of that no-nonsense, Jesus-commanded, action-oriented, all-encompassing, world-changing, boundary-destroying kind of LOVE.

 

Abundant blessings;

06
Apr
20

What would YOU do?

Palm-Sunday-processionalWhat if?

What if you KNEW – with all the confidence you could muster – that things were going to turn out badly?

What if – more specifically – you knew that the path your friend was walking would lead him to a horrible, humiliating death before the week was over?

What if you loved this friend profoundly … in a way that surpassed any love you’ve ever felt before?

And what if you also knew that your friend could easily avoid the horror that waited down his road… that all he needed to do was to just…

… ease up,

… back off,

… dial it down a little?

What would you do?

This is the question I spend every Holy Week trying to avoid. I avoid this question because it frightens me.

It frightens me because I have a pretty good idea what my answer would be.

If I ever had the guts to confront the question, that is.

I suspect that if I had been in the shoes of 11 of the 12 disciples that first Holy Week (all of them except Judas), I would have dealt with the events of that week exactly the same way they did.

In avoidance.

In denial.

In rationalization.

In all likelihood, my self-talk would have gone something like, “Surely it won’t be that bad. Surely, he will work something out. Surely his predictions of his own arrest and torture and death were hyperbole… statements made for dramatic effect.”

I would have been encouraged and excited by the palm processional the day before. “Look how much they love him! Surely, they would not DARE to arrest someone this popular. He was just being a little overly sensitive, wasn’t he?”

No… if I were to own up to my striking resemblance to those first disciples, it would require owning up to something else: a fundamental misunderstanding of Jesus’ mission and message.

It would require me to stand up in front of the world and say, “Sorry… I just can’t seem to get ‘on board’ with this whole ‘to die is to live’ platform. It really just seems unnecessarily harsh and painful. Let’s just all try a little harder to be a little better, shall we?”

And then, as that Good Friday morning dawned and that rooster began to crow, I would look over to find myself standing where no one ever wants to be found…

… standing right beside Peter; the one who denied Jesus three times.

 

So, let me ask: what would YOU do?

06
Feb
20

Chew on it

light-bulb-changing“Is this mine to do?”

Sometimes this is an easy question to answer… other times it is surprisingly difficult.

In my experience, it is also a question that most folks do not ask nearly often enough.

I was across town last week, attending a volunteer training session. During one of the morning breaks, I went in to use the restroom. As I entered, the lighting inside the restroom seemed unnaturally dim. It did not take long to see why… one of the two light fixtures was burned out.

After washing my hands, I went to the front desk and reported the issue to the receptionist. “Thanks for letting me know,” she said. “I’ll tell maintenance people about it.”

Later that day – after lunch and during the afternoon break – I once again visited the men’s room. I should note that this was at least four hours after my morning visit.

Once again, the restroom had the same romantic, candlelit ambiance I had experienced during my morning visit. Yes, it would have been the perfect lighting had my wife and I chosen to dine there. But it was not so great for taking care of the actual business at hand.

What to do?

Should I report the problem again? Should I just take matters into my own hands and fix the light myself? I am actually a pretty handy guy and probably could have had it fixed in a jiffy. Or should I just go about my business and trust that the matter would eventually be handled?

In that case, the decision was easy. Fixing the light was NOT mine to do.

In other situations, I find it much more difficult to know what is mine to do and what isn’t.

I have to confess… most of the time I err on the side of over-doing. I have been known to be grossly over-solicitous in my effort to be helpful.

Just ask Joan. It is one thing to bring your spouse a cup of tea in the morning. It is quite another thing to put her half-empty cup and saucer into the dishwasher before she has finished drinking it.

As I have discovered more than once, there is a big difference between helping and doting… or between being compassionate and being unctuous.

I have learned (the hard way) that sometimes the truly compassionate act is to allow the other person to find their own way out of the pickle they are in. If you have ever been a parent you know exactly what I am talking about.

Then there are those other times… the times when I find myself squarely on the other end of the helpfulness spectrum. Those are the times I have been the “Hey! That’s not my job!” guy…

… even when it is.

Jesus regularly spoke in parables and then walked away without elaborating much on their meaning. “Those who have ears to hear, let them listen,” he said on more than one occasion. And yet somehow, the sight of ¾ of his audience standing there scratching their heads did not cause him to alter his approach at all.

“Jesus did not chew people’s food for them,” pastor/author Barbara Brown Taylor once graphically remarked. What she meant – I believe – was that Jesus recognized the value in allowing people to puzzle out meanings for themselves. He likely believed that when folks did some of their own heavy lifting of interpretation, they were far more likely to “own” the results.

 

This is the time in the blog post when I am supposed to wrap it all up with a neat little application illustration… carefully instructing you on how to take this nugget of wisdom and apply it to your own life.

Instead, I think I’ll just end it here and let you chew this one over on your own.




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