It sounds so simple. So basic. So dripping with common sense.
“Be nice.”
I saw this phrase emblazoned on the front of my granddaughter’s T-shirt the other day and immediately replied, “YES! Of course!”
But then I tried actually DOING it.
Not so easy after all, as it turns out.
I discovered that being nice is not the same thing as being a smiling, passive doormat that invites everyone to wipe their muddy feet on. It is not a matter of offering a cheery, “Have a nice day!” when some Crabby Appleton slams the door in your face.
Being nice is probably a kissing cousin to the practice of being loving. And as we all know, being loving is what got Jesus nailed to a cross between two thieves.
“Being nice” means seeing the best in people… even when they go out of their way to hide it. It means understanding that the guy who just spat on your political opinions and called you an idiot might be under a lot of pressure at home right now. It means knowing that the angry gesture you just received from the woman in the lane next to you is not the sum total of her identity. It means realizing that she is probably a deep, complex, multi-faceted person with talents and gifts galore.
Seeing the best in people takes work. It requires patience, insight, and the willingness to dig deeper. When you stop to think about it, making snap, surface judgements about other people is a whole lot easier. Isn’t it?
“Being nice” also means being forgiving. It means refusing to nurture the slights and hurt feelings we carry – usually quite justifiably, I might add! – toward someone else. It means abandoning the need to strike back when struck. It means focusing on the future of the relationship instead of dwelling on its past. It means recognizing one’s own flaws. Forgiving doesn’t mean forgetting. It means being willing to move past the injury into the next chapter.
Forgiving usually takes work, too. Firstly, forgiving is forged on a foundation of faith. Faith in the redeemability of every person. Faith in the power of healing. Faith in God. Faith in the future. Forgiving means taking these words from 2 Peter to heart: “For this very reason, you must make every effort to support your faith with excellence, and excellence with knowledge, and knowledge with self-control, and self-control with endurance, and endurance with godliness, and godliness with mutual affection, and mutual affection with love. For if these things are yours and are increasing among you, they keep you from being ineffective and unfruitful in the knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ.” (2 Peter 1:5-8, NRSVU).
When you stop to think about it, holding on to anger and grudges is a whole lot easier. Isn’t it?
“Being nice” also means actively pursuing justice. It means doing more than just saying, “Tsk, tsk. Isn’t that a shame,” when we see injustice taking place. It means taking concrete ACTION to correct the injustice. It means standing on the side of the wounded one… even when the odds are overwhelmingly against you. It means cultivating a heart that is willing to endure the pain of breaking, again and again. It means stepping up to the religious standards of the prophet Isaiah when he admonishes us, saying, “Is not this the fast that I choose: to loose the bonds of injustice, to undo the straps of the yoke, to let the oppressed go free, and to break every yoke?” (Isaiah 58:6, NRSVU).
When you stop to think about it, “minding my own business” is a whole lot easier. Isn’t it?
No. “Being nice” (or loving, as Jesus might put it) is not for the faint-of-heart. And it is certainly not something I can do under my own steam. It entails a whole lot more than the catchy T-shirt slogan lets on. “Being nice” is the dictionary definition of the “narrow gate,” vs. the “wide road,” and therefore not terribly appealing.
But it IS what we are called to when we are called to follow Christ.
Have a “nice” day!
Abundant blessings;
“So, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do everything for the glory of God.” 1 Corinthians 10:31, NRSV
Russellings of the Spirit 