Posts Tagged ‘reflection

08
May
23

Did You Miss Me?

As the kids say, “It’s been a minute.”

In my case, it’s been a minute (or two) since I last sat and did any kind of communicating via this blog. 

Actually, I am pretty certain you didn’t miss me. But I REALLY missed you! That is to say, I missed the discipline of regularly trying to quiet myself, listen to the promptings of the Spirit, and faithfully render those nudges into a coherent sentence or two under the banner of Russellings of the Spirit.

In my defense, April was bonkers. 

To say the least.

Very early in the month, Joan had major surgery that involved fusing a couple of vertebrae and removing a pesky lamina or two (a procedure which, in medical terminology is called a laminectomy. You should Google it. The pictures are pretty cool). It was a six-hour surgery and required that she spend three overnights in the hospital. 

Joan is home now, but must wear a rigid back brace for three months. And THEN the physical therapy can begin. So needless to say, April required a lot of caregiving by me while she recovered.

She is doing better every day, praise God. She still must walk with a cane and is a little wobbly on her feet. Nevertheless, every day brings a little more strength and a little more stability. A great medical team and LOTS of prayers are key reasons why.

And then there was the show. 

Way back in the first week of January, I auditioned to be included in the Loveland Choral Society (whose website you can find here) for a show called, SMILE! It’s the 70s! It was a two-hour musical revue of tunes from the greatest musical decade EVER (think Queen, The Eagles, James Taylor, ABBA, Heart, Linda Ronstadt, Neil Diamond, Deep Purple, Bill Withers, etc., etc.), complete with costumes, a live band and CHOREOGRAPHY!

It was four months of 2.5-hour rehearsals every week, culminating with rehearsals every night of show week (a.k.a. HELL week), April 24-30. It was a ton of fun that culminated with four sold-out shows at the Rialto Theater in downtown Loveland, Colorado. I wouldn’t have missed it for the world, but it used up just about all my spare time and energy.

Reading through the above, it sounds like I am either bragging or complaining… or maybe a little of both. Instead, I am trying to explain – both to you and to myself – why I haven’t written a blog post in a very, very long time. 

I am also confessing to no small amount of surprise at the rather gaping nature of the hole in my life that appeared as a result of this hiatus. 

It very well may be that this exercise – which my youngest brother fondly referred to as “… shouting into the abyss” – amounts to a whole lot of wasted time and energy. Or in the words of the immortal bard, “Much ado about nothing.” 

And in the grand scheme of literary significance, that is probably an accurate description.

I think what I am trying to say – in the long, rambling, clumsy, roundabout way I do – is that regardless of what you may think of it, this forum matters to me. 

A LOT.

During this enforced lull, I discovered that writing this blog matters to me mostly as a spiritual discipline. It has become a time of enforced solitary reflection and prayer. Every Russelling is generally preceded by listening, attuning, reflection, processing, and criticism. It is a time when I try to mimic the words and the heart of the young prophet Samuel, saying, “Speak, Lord. Your servant is listening.” (1 Samuel 3:10, NRSV).

And – if I’m being totally honest with you – it is also a time to slip in a humble brag or two about our latest Adventures in Retirement.

I hope I am now past the pressing whirlwind of the last month and back into a readin’, ‘ritin’, reflectin’ rhythm once more. As soon as I say that though, I know I am in danger of challenging God to come up with some new twist or turn that will test my discipline.

In the meantime, I am glad to connect with you again and resume this amazing merry-go-round we call life. 

Let’s stay in touch.

Abundant blessings;

07
Nov
19

Outside in

Here where I live, today is a good day to be inside.

Though it is bright and sunny, it is also cold… like 25 degrees cold.

And so even as I practice gratitude for my ability to be sheltered from windy, 25-degree conditions, I like to maintain a connection with the outside.

Hence, this perfect perch:Woodland perch

Here I am inside… safe, warm, and dry. And yet the outside is right there, just beyond my fingertips.

As a documented extrovert, I am metaphorically “outside” most of the time. I like meeting people, talking to them, telling jokes, and just generally hanging out with them.

“Outside” is my jam. People are my favorite… people.

But there is a downside to all this glad-handed, people-pleasing extroversion. We extros (as we like to be called) are occasionally guilty of disregarding the value of “inside” time. We aren’t terribly quick to take hold of those moments of solitary pause and reflection and celebrate their value.

I mean sure if we find ourselves stuck on a rowboat without a companion or network connection we MIGHT engage in a little self-reflective navel-gazing.

Maybe.

Truth be told though, that inside stuff makes us a little nervous. We aren’t always sure we want to see the kind of sticky, icky stuff we might run into if we got too quiet or look too closely.

But if I aspire to call myself a writer – as I most certainly do – I know I need to come to grips with the inside life. Actually, all of us can benefit from a little inwardness from time to time. We would all do well to turn off the TV, pause Pandora, shut down the chit-chat and listen to the stillness of our souls.

Maybe what I need to find is one of those California-style indoor/outdoor rooms for my soul. Something like this would allow me to be outside when I am in, and inside when I am out: Indoor outdoor space

How about you? Are you an extrovert who struggles with quiet, alone time? Or are you on the opposite end of the Myers-Briggs scale and find you would rather undergo a root canal than spend time with other people?

What are your coping strategies? How do you push beyond your self-imposed boundaries now and then?

It is worth reminding each of us that no matter how we are wired, we are each “fearfully and wonderfully made,” according to the Lord of the Universe.

And you can take that (out) to the bank!

05
Sep
19

The man on the bench

Man on a benchI almost missed him, and thereby, his invitation.

The low, one-story building came slowly into view on the left as we drove through Hays, Kansas earlier this week. The building was made of red brick with a corrugated metal roof. It seemed to branch in several directions from a central hub.

I discovered that when it is your turn to sit in the passenger seat during a nine-hour drive, you have a chance to examine the roadside vista in great detail…

… especially when you are crossing the state of Kansas at 78 miles per hour.

I had just about concluded that I was looking at another collection of storage sheds, or a warehouse of some kind when suddenly I saw him; the man on the bench.

Looking a little more closely, I saw that the bench sat on a patio at the rear of one of those brick buildings. As I studied him, I saw that the man seemed to be older… quite possibly in his 80s. He was wearing a gray, long-sleeved shirt and matching pants. He sat motionless on that bench, content to watch the cars zipping by on Interstate 70 at 2:30 on a late August afternoon.

And then it dawned on me… the building was a retirement home. The man was just doing as he darned well pleased, in between the scheduled mealtimes and organized activities there.

As Hank (the name I gave him on the spur of the moment, just to make him a little less anonymous) faded into the rearview mirror, I couldn’t help but wonder.

– What was Hank thinking about as he sat there?

  • Was he reviewing the chapters of his life and cherishing sweet memories?
  • Was he grieving a departed spouse?
  • Was he nursing regrets about opportunities unrealized in his life?
  • Was he silently chastising children whose visits have become less and less frequent as the years pass?
  • Was he trying to imagine what compelled the drivers of each of those cars on the interstate to pass by his patio and bench?
  • Or was he possibly just whistling a tune from his childhood that somehow resurfaced in his mind?

And as he sat there and quietly reflected on his life and the passing parade, Hank issued me a personal invitation.

He invited me to imagine myself, years hence, in a similar posture.

He invited me to consider how I want to be able to look back on my own life when I have plenty of time to sit and think.

Hank invited me to consider the very real possibility that time spent on a bench, alone with one’s thoughts and memories can, in fact, be a surprisingly opulent gift.

He invited me to drop to my knees and give thanks for the rich web of relationships I am part of, remembering that each of them is time-bound and treasured.

But mostly Hank invited me to remember that my story is part of a larger story… a story that is connected to millions of other stories across time and space. He invited me to make friends with the Mystery Beyond and to recognize that he and I have much more in common than either of us will ever realize.

Thanks, Hank.

I accept your invitation.

09
Mar
19

Repentance Muscle

“From that time Jesus began to proclaim, ‘Repent, for the kingdom of heaven has come near.’”(Matthew 4:17)

Muscle builderMost of us have muscles that can use a little strengthening.

Maybe it’s a bicep to allow you to do a little heavier lifting, or a deltoid for a little faster throwing of a baseball, or maybe you need a stronger glute for whatever it is glutes help you do.

Personally, I could stand some stronger hamstrings. Mainly because I keep pulling the ones I have now.

As I was preparing for the arrival of the season of Lent the other day, I encountered another muscle of mine that appears to be in EXTREMELY flabby condition.

This muscle needs some serious building up, starting right NOW.

It’s my REPENTANCE muscle.

I decided that building up the repentance muscle is exactly the purpose of the church’s observance of the season of Lent.

So what does that mean, exactly? And how does one do that?

REPENTANCE is a churchy-sound word for a very basic human practice. It is about stopping… recognizing that you have wandered off your chosen (or necessary) path… turning around… and heading back in a better direction.

For example, I was driving along a little two-lane country road the other day which had a posted speed limit of 55 mph. I glanced down at my speedometer and saw that it read 71. So my act of repentance was to ease off the accelerator and bring the little Prius down to a more reasonable 62.

Writing is another activity that involves a lot of repentance. We tap out some keys in a sequence that seems to make sense, step back, read it, and say, “EGAD! That’s a bunch of hogwash!” We then work to make the needed corrections. Or sometimes we repent by throwing out the work completely.

So how does one BUILD UP one’s repentance muscle?

I mean, what do you do with any of your other muscles if you want to strengthen them? You put extra STRESS on them for a limited time, right? You overload them in a measured way, under supervision, let them rest, and then do it again.

Then gradually, the exercise physiologists tell us, the muscle becomes stronger.

And so there I was… sitting there thinking about what Lent was really supposed to be about (because pastors do that kind of stuff), and the light bulb suddenly clicked on! Maybe THAT’S the real point of all this fasting, praying, meditating, journaling, and reflection we do during Lent!

Maybe Lent is the “spiritual gym” where we really focus on getting that repentance muscle whipped into shape.

And like any good exercise program, it doesn’t really work if you focus on it once and then ignore it for the next 364 days. It has to become a regular part of your life! It has to shape and re-energize the way you go about everything else you do.

I mean, sure, a handful of potato chips would really hit the spot about now. But (grunt!) do I really need it? (Sweat!)

(Ugh!) Naaa. Probably not.




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